It began as a Tiny nagging doubt in my mind, a long time ago when I was naive and happy.
I had decided to go out with my friends and I was really looking forward to it, until that day. Something seemed different in my head and I started doing things that I had never done before. I began planning routes to the places that I wanted to go to. I began counting the exact time that it would take for me to reach. I tried not to make eye contact with strangers on the road for fear of what I would see in their eyes. I tried to wheeze less as I walked fast. I hurried to my destinations, hoping to get done with the torment in my mind. My heart beat as I thought about going to crowded places and my hands shook. I had never ever felt such deep dread and such mind-numbing fear. It kept me at home, in my safe haven for many days.
Days which I spent thinking, sweating and crying, wondering where I lost my way and why I felt such fear. It began many years ago, on a day such a today when my mind betrayed me and since then it’s been a constant fight against this emotional and psychological torment. It’s been an uphill battle, forcing myself to go out and face my fears and to breathe normally and be strong.
I realize that it may seem quite silly to many people, that eye contact and the outside world could be so scary, but to me it’s a real paralyzing fear and I wish that I could laugh at it more often and overcome it.