My debilitating fear

It began as a  Tiny nagging doubt in my mind, a long time ago when I was naive and happy.

I had decided to go out with my friends and I was really looking forward to it, until that day. Something seemed different in my head and I started doing things that I had never done before. I began planning routes to the places that I wanted to go to. I began counting the exact time that it would take for me to reach. I tried not to make eye contact with strangers on the road for fear of what I would see in their eyes. I tried to wheeze less as I walked fast. I hurried to my destinations, hoping to get done with the torment in my mind. My heart beat as I thought about going to crowded places and my hands shook. I had never ever felt such deep dread and such mind-numbing fear. It kept me at home, in my safe haven for many days.

Days which I spent thinking, sweating and crying, wondering where I lost my way and why I felt such fear. It began many years ago, on a day such a today when my mind betrayed me and since then it’s been a constant fight against this emotional and psychological torment. It’s been an uphill battle, forcing myself to go out and face my fears and to breathe normally and be strong.

I realize that it may seem quite silly to many people, that eye contact and the outside world could be so scary, but to me it’s a real paralyzing fear and I wish that I could laugh at it more often and overcome it.


If you have a problem like this, I would be happy to talk to you about it. It’s always nice to have some support.
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11 thoughts on “My debilitating fear

  1. Don’t worry, it’s a very normal thing to fear the outside world. I used to be like that. I didn’t like going out, I didn’t like family parties or any type of parties in general. I hated talking to people, being in crowded areas, I felt out of place and scared. I overcame it through this one friend that I had who was the complete opposite of me, she was social and outgoing and me hanging out with her made me have to tolerate being around people and them talking to me, getting close to me, etc. at first I didn’t like it but I got used to it, I started to open up slowly at my own pace and now I go out and hang out with friends but I will never forget those days in which the words “We’re going out” would scare me.
    The outside world is dangerous, but it is only dangerous if you decide to make it dangerous. I don’t think it’s silly to fear the outside world because I went through it, too. All I wanted was to stay home. I still do but when I have to go out or I’m invited well, why not? 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s really nice of you to share. i’m glad that you were able to overcome your fear! I have also tried to take steps to go out more often and to be a part of a few groups from my college. Hopefully it will help me feel a little less scared and a little more confident. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks and no problem! It’s a very normal thing and we all have fears, there’s nothing wrong with having fears. That’s a good strategy, try getting into a club or sports team or something, that should help ^^ 🙂

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  2. I understand how you feel! I hope it all works out for you! I suffer from the same thing. It’s so bad sometimes that I stay inside a lot more than I want to, but lately I’ve been slowly taking small steps to get out of it and it works. I went to the movies with my sister yesterday and there were so many people around me I wanted to run the other way, but I stayed and I had a great time! I forgot that I was scared, got to watch an inspiring movie, and when I walked out of the movies I felt better around everyone I was happy and didn’t feel so scared out of my mind anymore the overwhelming anxiety disappeared. Sometimes all it takes is a few times feeling like that and it helps lift you up and keep going! So stay strong! I know it may suck at times to feel that way, but just know you’re not alone and you can make it through this!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t fear the outside world but I get uneasy with eye contact and recoil when people touch me. I’m trying to work through it and, like the other commenters have said, fear does have a way of dragging out your inner strength. It’s exactly like Nietzsche said. You don’t know how strong you are until it’s the only choice you have.

    Liked by 1 person

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