Dilemmas: My “dramatic” struggles.

A while ago, I found myself pining over a girl who was just an acquaintance of mine. I used to observe her a lot, (now this is sounding creepy) but I really wanted her to be my friend.

So I began talking to her, which was utterly terrifying, considering the fact that I’m awkward and anxiety ridden. I managed to speak sensibly and even tone down my eye brow wiggling to the minimum. Things progressed very quickly. She seemed to enjoy my sense of humor very much (chuckles wittily).In a few short months we became very close and even formed a group, with some other very interesting people.

Now here comes the very confusing part. I got what I wanted, to be friends with this charming and funny girl, right? Well, technically yes, but by getting to know her better, I realized that she is much less charming that I had imagined. I’m pretty sure most of you are shaking your heads in utter disbelief at how superficial I am being. I completely agree, I feel like I built up this whole perfect persona in my mind and essentially set myself up for disappointment. Of course I am not even close to perfect, so why should her imperfections bother me? Probably it was also due to the fact that I spent so much time thinking about spending time with her that I didn’t actually pay attention to who she really was, and when I actually let her be herself I was blindsided.  This is something I don’t usually do, (cue the collective eye roll) but it’s true. It really made me think about a few things.

Don’t you think that it’s important to Witness behaviour first hand so that you aren’t let down, rather than painting rosy pictures in your head that may turn out to be like the Scream painting? Or are there any situations where facts have no real precedence over blind faith or belief? What do you think?

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26 thoughts on “Dilemmas: My “dramatic” struggles.

  1. Learning who a person is I feel generally best before trying to become friends. Little kids seem to be able to make friends at the drop of a hat but when we are older it is oftentimes a MUCH better plan to get to know someone first.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think a pitfall for a lot of people when meeting others, especially romantically, is that the mold comes before the person. So instead of finding out who they are, we want to see how well they fit. Great that you experienced this and were able to realize what was going on. Excellent reflection.

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    1. Well when we were kids, we mainly needed playmates to enjoy with. As you grow older, you aren’t friends with quite a few of the people that you were friends with as a child. This is usually due to the fact that you can’t gel with their ideas or behaviour or so on.

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  3. I’m at odds with the concept, “witness behavior first hand so that you aren’t let down”. In my own journey, my challenge has been with identifying how someone makes me feel, in real-time, rather than a day or week later after I’ve had the luxury of introspection.

    Understanding how I am feeling gives me the ability to respond, not react, which is one of my mantras at this stage on my own journey.

    I feel like you’re almost suggesting separating emotional and rational reactions in the course of forging, or not forging relationships.

    The fact you perhaps idealized your co-worker and not until later, when you actually got to know her, you realized you weren’t compatible. That’s not fickle. For me that’s a natural progression.

    What I might be pondering in a similar situation is, was I more driven by the hunt? Why did I feel the desire to win over this woman?

    In my journey, I am learning to be more authentic, not saying what I think people want to hear, a challenge I didn’t even know I had until therapy and work.

    I apologize for rambling. It just feels like that you’ve written a really interesting post bringing me into a moment where you’ve set out to do something, done it and then shrugged your shoulders about it. I can identify so well. I just feel like I’d be asking myself different questions about whats to be learned.

    Keep on, keeping on!

    Jon

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this post. I know what you mean and I too asked myself that question, ‘was I too driven by the thrill of the chase?’. I still have a lot to think about.

      Like

  4. Nice post. something to ponder – when you find that the imaginary friend doesn’t exist its time to convert him/her into an acquaintance and move on. Be true to yourself and give due respect to the other.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello, well I’m not French. I’m Indian, but I know French and I like to confuse my fellow Indians by speaking in it.
      Thank you so much for checking out my posts, once I’m back here i’ll be sure to check your blog out as well.:D

      Like

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